There is always enough in Jesus.

Yesterday, I received a voicemail from a church that had invited me to speak about global missions back around Christmas. They told me they are sending me a grant of $3,200 to support my upcoming year of missions in Uganda. I felt the power of His pure grace, hitting me with joy.

Two years ago, I started praying that churches would begin inviting me to come speak about missions and the way that Jesus calls us to lay our lives down for the poor. It was an unnatural prayer for me to pray, as I've never loved public speaking. God answered my prayer last Christmas when a pastor in upstate New York read my blog about Uganda and invited me to speak to his church about missions. I felt overjoyed and nervous. I had never spoken to a church of 200 people before, let alone a church of people I had never met. I prayed that God would give me the words to say and I prayed for an open heaven over all of us. The Holy Spirit met us in that beautiful sanctuary full of Christmas lights and His faithful sons and daughters who I could tell were hungry for more of Jesus. All of us including myself, the pastor, grandparents, mothers, and even some of the children were in tears by the end, touched by His amazing presence and heart for the poor...

The church invited me to apply for a missionary scholarship, and I took it as a direct answer to my prayers. For the past 3 months as I waited to hear back about the grant, I often felt anxious in the waiting and uncertain about how things would unfold.

Each time I felt the anxiety creeping into my heart, I turned my heart to Jesus in worship. I would often talk to Him about my fears and sing my anxiety out to Jesus. I know that sounds kind of strange but I literally sing to Him about all my fears and concerns, and He responds by filling my heart with peace. These past 3 months as I prayed for a response from the church, I felt God clearly encouraging me to give away much of my own money. How strange and illogical, I thought. To give away my money when I'm trying to raise money for myself. What about the school loans I have to pay off? What about the $15,000 I'm trying to raise so I can live without a salary next year?

Psalm 145:16 says this: He opens His hands and satisfies the hunger and thirst of all living things. In the same way that our Heavenly Father opens His hands to satisfy our every need, He was asking me to open my own tight-fisted hands so I could receive what He wanted to give me, which was far better. After all, it's not my money. It's God's money.

Over the past 3 months, I felt that God wanted me to give away one thousand dollars of His money. So I did. I gave it away in chunks of hundreds and fifties, trusting the One that once used fives loaves of bread and two fish to feed five thousand. There is always enough in Jesus. 

Most recently, God gave me the honor of sponsoring Shamim's first semester of high school education. Shamim is a beautiful daughter of God and a dear friend of mine who is growing up with a disability in Uganda. She has the sweetest laugh you'll ever hear, and I believe her smile might be even more radiant now that she is back in school. "It is already hard to have a disability in Uganda," Shamim told me two summers ago when we met. "Not to have an education would be a double disability," she wisely told me. Education sets people free, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. I praise God for pouring His grace over Shamim. Over me. Over us.

Now I have $10,426 so I can live as a missionary in Uganda next year. Thanks to 68 individual sponsors and 1 amazing church that have collectively taught me so much about self-sacrificing love and obedience in faith. There aren't words to express my thanks.

Reflecting back on the past 3 months now, I realize that God was never after my money. All along, He was after my heart. He more than tripled the amount of money I gave away. But that wasn't really the point. He didn't just want to solve my "problem" of not having enough money to move to Uganda next year - He was after something greater than that. He wanted to change my life. He wanted to grow my trust in Him, teaching me that the more I am willing to empty my bank account, the more He is able to fill my life with joy. Joy that, unlike money, eternally satisfies. As I learned to relinquish control over my own financial security, He drew me closer to His heart that beats so steadily for the poor, washing away my fears and doubts in the process.

The kingdom of God belongs to those who know they are poor (Matthew 5:3). As I learn to walk this journey with Jesus, yielding my heart and ability to control my own life to the One who is exceedingly stronger, I come into my full identity as a beloved daughter of God.

Precious enough to be emptied completely by my Father, who longs to fill me with better things.

Beloved enough to be made completely poor in spirit, that He might fill me with the richest of Joy.

"I am not saying this because I am in need.
For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
I know what it is to be in need, 
And I know what it is to have plenty. 
I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,
whether well fed or hungry,
whether living in plenty of in want.
I can do everything through Christ,
who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:11-13

Speaking about global missions and pouring our lives out for the poor at the McKownville Methodist Church of Albany, New York. Thank you Jesus, for this beautiful church, and their hunger for seeing Your love poured out over the "least" of this world.